Prologue: ( the last letter) (working title)
i awoke with a start, i had just dreamed that i was falling again, but this dream was different from all the others because it was really happening. It was really happening to my brother, Kai. My brother and i have a strange connection, if something happens to me, that night my brother would dream what had happened to me and the same with me.
It all started a year ago i had just turned 17 and my brother has just turned 19, when he got the letter, the letter that would change everything. Kai got a letter saying that he had to go to war. Little did i know that that day was the last time i would ever see my brother...Alive.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay...well this is an interesting one. It seems we've got ourselves a really small prologue here, and well its not too terribly often that a proper story manages to really get told in a piece this small, but his particular ones seems like one of those few moments where a full story, or at least an interesting one that sounds worth pursuing is getting told.
So onto the prologue itself, this idea of a connection with the brother is a very interesting one. Not the most novel of concepts there but nonetheless the sort of thing that does get quite interesting, especially since it seems like despite this connection, there doesn't seem to be that much of a closer relationship between the two. Its an interesting detail, especially when you try to image if this letter regarding war is the reason for it, or if there's more to it.
The whole death situation there to end it is quite powerful though. Something about how simple and emotionless that thought or rather almost realization in hindsight is manages to really strike deep there with the idea of what might happen. I think it really caps off this prologue well.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Okay. Answer me something. Why should I bother helping you, when you don't bother to use basic grammar? And when I say basic grammar, I mean grammar that six year olds know.
Don't give me the 'I just don't get grammar' stuff. You know how to capitalise your sentences and use commas. So do so. And th other things, learn. I had to. So just do it. There's really no excuse for not.
-Fantasy
thank you every one who helped me with my grammar i really mean thanks because i know my grammar was and still is terrible but thanks for all the tips and things
thanks i'll keep that it in mind
These type of intro's where you write in first person are confusing and in a sense annoying. I have found out that stories written in first person tend to lack. Mainly they are confusing, yet also the Main character seems to lack emotion and it is hard to identify/express/explain the emotion of other main characters or sub characters when it is all from his or her (MC) point of view.
Its and interesting idea, i just think it should written differently for a more effective piece of writing. Also the little '...' part isn't needed, just put the alive right there.
thanks roxanner but i normally write storys about boys as the main character and around my age but this time i wanted to push the boat out further
I like this start, but you should work on your grammer a lot.
Also, I always find that it's a lot easier to write about people who are an age close to you, because you don't know what it is like to be the age you are talking about.
Hope that helps!
RR*